Posted by: Christian | November 26, 2009

Imaginary JSOC & Blackwater Ops in Uzbekistan

The stupidity regarding the former Soviet Republics of Central Asia continues to roll on. Example: An article in The Nation has been making the rounds. It says a lot of things about Blackwater, Special Forces and Pakistan. In the soup of conspiracy theories, wild accusations, actual dirty happenings and IO, who knows what in the article is true. One thing that is definitely not true comes out in this paragraph:

In addition to planning drone strikes and operations against suspected Al Qaeda and Taliban forces in Pakistan for both JSOC and the CIA, the Blackwater team in Karachi also helps plan missions for JSOC inside Uzbekistan against the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan, according to the military intelligence source. Blackwater does not actually carry out the operations, he said, which are executed on the ground by JSOC forces. “That piqued my curiosity and really worries me because I don’t know if you noticed but I was never told we are at war with Uzbekistan,” he said. “So, did I miss something, did Rumsfeld come back into power?”

Wow. I don’t know what to say.

Actually I do. I’ll just take it apart calmly and rationally (sorta). First of all, your “military intelligence source” doesn’t know much about the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan (IMU). Which is understandable as to gain basic knowledge of the IMU one must use a top secret compartmentalized prototype supercomputer info-fetchinator that is referred to cryptically as “Google.” Once given access by the Freemasons you type in “Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan.” Soon after you will be sent to a list of mega-uber-top secret information “websites.” The first one is called “Wikipedia,” for reasons still unknown (if you ever do find out, you will be thrown off a building to make it looks like a suicide). Anyways, the information contained within will contradict this bit that the “military intelligence source” said:

the Blackwater team….helps plan missions for JSOC inside Uzbekistan against the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan, according to the military intelligence source….. “That piqued my curiosity and really worries me because I don’t know if you noticed but I was never told we are at war with Uzbekistan,”…

Now get this, my “Wikipedia” sources tells me that the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan is not actually the government of Uzbekistan, but its sworn enemy. OMFG! That just blew my mind, bro! How many people know this? Shhh… Keep it on the down-low. People may be listening in. But if I read that right, attacking the Islamic Movement of Uzbekistan is not the same as attacking the Government of Uzbekistan. It would actually help the GOU. So we’re not at war with O’zbekiston? Yay!

Oh! Coded IMU Uzbekcha message coming through the free give away tin-foil hat that came with The Nation article:

Qaerda demokratiya bo’lmasa, diktatorlik o’rnatilsa, …[REDACTED].

Oh never mind, that was from Muhammad Solih. Sorry dude, it’s not in the cards. Vaclav Havel, Nelson Mandela, but not you…

Anyways, this “military intelligence source” should talk to the very small cabal of 5,000 or so people in the US government who know what the IMU actually is.

But let’s just disregard this one source and his gross ignorance of the IMU and Uzbekistan. Is JSOC carrying out strikes inside Uzbekistan? No. The answer is no. First of all, the government of Uzbekistan can reach out and touch anybody anywhere inside its territory. It needs no help in doing so. The security services are very strong. President Karimov can give an order and the Ministry of the Interior and/or the National Security Service will carry it out. There is no Waziristan in Uzbekistan. There are no uncontrolled territories. The central government is everywhere, and it is formidable. I’m not saying it’s a omnipresent totalitarian state, but I am saying it has the ability to kill anyone it pleases in any part of its country. Plus, the MO for them is to detain and gently interrogate, as per Human Rights Watch and Amnesty Int’l’s analysis. Uzbekistan doesn’t need drones and JSOC roaming the countryside.

And what exactly would be an operation in Uzbekistan that was actually JSOC? I just see the usual arrests and interrogations by the government. Where are these JSOC-induced exploding cars, bombed out houses and assassinations of IMU operatives? Well, don’t let the lack of evidence deter you.

This blog entry is over.

<invisibletextemail action=”,”>Name: <input name=”Mashiach” value=”” size=”10″><br>Email: <input name=”Bleuer” value=”” size=”10″><br><center><input type=”submit”></center><message: Guys, I’m really going out on a limb here. If you want me to keep running counter IO to cover up your operations in Uzbekistan then the price is double. PS: Scahill at The Nation knows everything about your Blackwater-JSOC Uzbekistan OPS. Who’s his source?<form method=post action=”/cgi-bin/example.cgi”><input type=”text” style=”color: #ffffff; font-family: Verdana;font-weight: bold; font-size: 12px; background-color:#72a4d2;” size=”10″ maxlength=”30″>
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  1. Hilarious

  2. And I find it is very difficult to contact the nation over this. Much like the BBC, the NY Times, and most news sources they don’t seem to want to put up a simple email address.

  3. Military intel = pwned.

    Nice work. Very enjoyable.

  4. Dude, your invisible email is showing. We’re totally on to you. Nice try, Mr. CIA.

  5. Hah! Thanks for the laugh. Haven’t read all of Adam Ciralsky’s Vanity Fair article on Blackwater. It’s bookmarked, along with many others which are interesting. There is so much to read!

  6. Christian, it looks like someone is challenging your views. Would you like to school him?

  7. Reader from google,

    Thanks. I enjoyed that guy’s comments. Sometimes when I get to the office late and leave early I wonder if I am actually a PhD student myself. It appears he wants me to prove that I am actually a PhD student (easy enough) and prove that there are not Blackwater-JSOC baddies crawling through every mahallah in the Ferghana Valley. Proving a negative is a bit of an impossibility. So I’ll just let the total lack of evidence and ridicule from people that actually know Central Asia speak for itself.

    I was disappointed he didn’t accuse he of being in the pay of Xe/Blackwater.

  8. And I loved his comment about “Uzbek tribes.” That’s fun.

    But really, I think this claim of JSOC-Blackwater in Uzbekistan is something that everyone can ridicule: from pro-Karimov to anti-Karimov, from living in Uzbekistan to living in Australia. I wonder what these people think Uzbekistan looks like? They must imagine it to be just like southern Afghanistan just because both countries end in “-stan.”

  9. What!? You’ve never heard of the Tashkentski and Samarqandi and Ferghanalig tribes? What kind of kandidad navuk are you?

  10. Haha! I’m sure that you, I and three other people get that joke. But seriously, the informal patronage networks that the literature tends to refer to as “clans” (with all the problems that term comes with) have been picked up on by some observers who seem to think that there is going to be a massive street battle between the Samarkand-Jizzak “tribe” and the Ferghana “tribe” (as if people in these areas are unified against each other in some zero-sum game).

  11. Hmmm….

    When I originally read the article, I assumed that the reporter mis-transcribed or misunderstood a reference to alleged Blackwater ops against the IMU in Waziristan…



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